The Name Game
Since Fiance and I got engaged we have had ongoing discussions about whether I should or should not take his name. I'm thinking NOT - he obviously disagrees. I get the feeling that everyone thinks I'm stupid for not wanting to become Mrs Fiance but I disagree. I have valid reasons for my opinion, which I will set down here for the record (and so that I can use this as evidence to back up my argument when the time comes to make the decision):
1) Why should it be me that changes my whole identity? It's not 1900 any more - I'm not going from living on my father's money in my father's house to living on my husband's money in my husband's house. I work just as hard as he does, and pay a half share of mortgage, bills and upkeep. Just because we're getting married doesn't mean I'm becoming his property.
2) I don't want to lose the connection to my family (in particular my dad, who died last year). Again, I'm my own person and I feel quite strongly that I shouldn't have to change who I am just because I'm getting married. Plus, as there's only my sister and I we're the only ones who can continue the family name (my father has one sister and a childless brother), and when she gets married she will probably take her husband's name.
3) When I hear 'Mrs Fiance's-Surname' I think of his mother.
4) I have enough trouble getting my current name out without stumbling over it. His surname, while very nice, is three syllables long. My first name is also three syllables. So put the two together and that's SIX SYLLABLES I have to get my mouth round, one more than I have at the moment. It's all too much.
5) 'Mrs' will make me feel old, and the grey hairs I am finding in increasing numbers do that quite well enough on their own, thank you very much.
In spite of my outlining all this to anyone who enquires, I still get strange looks when they hear I don't want to change my name, and even people who disagree with my decision. But I'm determined not to bow to the pressure. Many women make this choice now and I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to ask for. After all, Fiance doesn't have to change his name - it's not even an issue for him*. He looked like a little hurt bunny when I told him my intention of being a 'Ms', and yet what do you think he would say if I asked him to take MY name?!?! My point exactly.
*And, as an aside, he will never have to expel eight pounds of baby from his nether regions, something which scares the bejesus out of me. For that reason along I think I should get to do whatever the hell I want with my name.
1) Why should it be me that changes my whole identity? It's not 1900 any more - I'm not going from living on my father's money in my father's house to living on my husband's money in my husband's house. I work just as hard as he does, and pay a half share of mortgage, bills and upkeep. Just because we're getting married doesn't mean I'm becoming his property.
2) I don't want to lose the connection to my family (in particular my dad, who died last year). Again, I'm my own person and I feel quite strongly that I shouldn't have to change who I am just because I'm getting married. Plus, as there's only my sister and I we're the only ones who can continue the family name (my father has one sister and a childless brother), and when she gets married she will probably take her husband's name.
3) When I hear 'Mrs Fiance's-Surname' I think of his mother.
4) I have enough trouble getting my current name out without stumbling over it. His surname, while very nice, is three syllables long. My first name is also three syllables. So put the two together and that's SIX SYLLABLES I have to get my mouth round, one more than I have at the moment. It's all too much.
5) 'Mrs' will make me feel old, and the grey hairs I am finding in increasing numbers do that quite well enough on their own, thank you very much.
In spite of my outlining all this to anyone who enquires, I still get strange looks when they hear I don't want to change my name, and even people who disagree with my decision. But I'm determined not to bow to the pressure. Many women make this choice now and I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to ask for. After all, Fiance doesn't have to change his name - it's not even an issue for him*. He looked like a little hurt bunny when I told him my intention of being a 'Ms', and yet what do you think he would say if I asked him to take MY name?!?! My point exactly.
*And, as an aside, he will never have to expel eight pounds of baby from his nether regions, something which scares the bejesus out of me. For that reason along I think I should get to do whatever the hell I want with my name.
This entry was posted
on Friday, April 21, 2006 at 4:17 pm.
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But would you do this because you love said fiance?
Marriage, i hear, as all about giving and taking, perhaps you should take on this occasion.
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