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People say life is the thing, but I prefer reading*

ASBOS and Animal Protection

I went home last night, anticipating a lovely quiet night in front of the TV watching the soaps* and drinking tea. Not much to ask, I didn't think. Unfortunately, I was denied this modest pleasure by my lovely neighbours.

One of the bastards (I don't know who, but I have an idea - Ginger Chav and Scary-Haired Blonde) insist on leaving their long-suffering dog out in their garden when they go out in the evening, and the poor thing barks and howls for all he's worth, until they come home again. I've considered grassing em up to the RSPCA but so far have held off (it's coming though...) All night last night this dog voiced his displeasure at being abandoned (for which I do not blame him - he's a dog and doing what dogs do - barking. And probably sniffing other dogs asses but I'm not talking about that particular aspect of canine behaviour right now), until about 11 o'clock when the owners came home and dealt with him.

All was quiet.

And then, THEN, the chap responsible for this post decided to get all up my face as well (Girlfriend! *snaps fingers*). His car alarm is broken. He needs to just accept it and get it fixed before I snap and beat him to death wiv his own shoes...

It started going off not long after Poor Abandoned Dog was either fed a juicy bone or shot in the head. And the first few times, Car Alarm Dude was good enough to get off his arse to switch it off. But then he must've gotten tired of doing this, and he left it. So it went off intermittently, every couple of minutes. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

It was going off at 4.30 am when I woke up after a particularly nasty dream involving a spider the size of a dinner plate with a thirst for my blood.

It was still going off when I left for work this morning (and by god I had to summon all my willpower not to key the car on the way out).

If I don't post anything tomorrow, it may be because I'm in prison for murder.

*Oh yes! None of the soaps are on because of the MOTHERF***ING WORLD CUP. BECAUSE EVERYONE ON THE GODDAMN PLANET WANTS TO WATCH FOOTBALL, DON'T THEY??? Except in my house where 50% of the population wants to claw their own eyes out so they don't have to see GARY F***ING LINEKER one more time. Oh my god save me.
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*Logan Pearsall Smith

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