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NotJustAHatStand

People say life is the thing, but I prefer reading*
 

Day of the Triffids

Our rental flat seems to exist a little closer to the animal and plant kingdoms than usual.

Exhibit A:

There is a shrub outside the window (I have no idea what kind of shrub, it may not even BE a shrub but it's my website so I'm calling it a shrub) that seemed perfectly normal when we moved in. It had it's territory, we had ours, and we co-existed peacefully. In the short time that we've lived there however, it has extended a long, evil-looking branch towards the house, which scrapes menacingly against the window in the slightest whisper of a breeze. Whenever we open the window, the branch ends up INSIDE the house, and if you try and poke it back out of the window again, it springs back inside, as if it's determined not to give away it's position so easily. I am convinced the branch is growing more quickly than is natural, and that it is merely a scout sent out by the Evil Shrub, which wants to take hold of the house and drag it off to its lair where it will slowly devour the house and any living thing still inside it.

Exhibit B:

I've mentioned the Giant Spiders before. Thankfully they seem to have figured out that their mission to gain entry to our house is pointless as upon achieving their objective they will be:

a) dismembered by a cat
b) imprisoned in a glass until they die from lack of oxygen
or
c) transported right back outside again

Exhibit C:

This morning, when I opened the blind at the patio doors, I recoiled in horror at the fat brownish slimy thing stuck to the window. Stifling a cry of 'those pesky kids', I looked closer and realised that it was The Biggest Snail I Have Ever Seen. Climbing up the window, as if looking for a way in. I knocked on the window to try and dislodge it. Nothing doing. I hastily closed the blinds again, made the sure the window next to the Evil Shrub was closed (they may be in cahoots, you can't be too careful), and ran for it. If it's still there when I get back tonight I may have to poke it with a stick.
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*Logan Pearsall Smith



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