<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d22921746\x26blogName\x3dNotJustAHatStand\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://notjustahatstand.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_GB\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://notjustahatstand.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-9189446589214608367', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

NotJustAHatStand

People say life is the thing, but I prefer reading*
 

How To Use Sainsburys Self Service Check-out


Step 1

Assess the queue at the main till, and weigh this against the number of items in your basket (3).

Step 2

Decide that scanning three items at the Self Service check-out can't possibly take longer than waiting in that queue and, with a frisson of trepidation, make your way to the Self-Service lane.

Step 3

Press Start.

Step 4

Remember the last time you used Self Service (when you were charged 5p for a bag to put one Fudge bar in). Select 'I am using my own bags'.

Step 5

Place your purple spotty shopping bag in the bagging area, as directed, so that the machine can 'verify your bag'.

Step 6

Become confused when machine cannot verify your bag. Wonder if perhaps the bag is an existential oddity, that appears only to you because you want it to be there.

Step 7

Decide to ponder this question at a later date.

Step 8

Push some buttons to try and force the machine to verify your bag. It's purple and spotty, how can it not be verified?

Step 9

Take a great sigh of relief when the machine appears to give up on verifying your bag, and allows you to continue.

Step 10

Realise that it's probably charging you 5p for a bright orange Sainsburys turtle-killer. Realise that you no longer care about the turtles.*

Step 11

Scan first item.

Step 12

Place item in your bag.

Step 13

Heave another sigh of relief, and allow yourself to start believing it's going to work this time.

Step 14

Scan second item.

Step 15

Cry, as the machine bellows 'unexpected item in bagging area', attracting the attention of everyone in the small, city-centre shop.

Step 16

Wait for member of staff to come over and press a button.

Step 17

Place second item in bag.

Step 18

Scan third and final item.

Step 19

Place third item in bag. Suppress rising hope that perhaps this will soon be over.

Step 20

Press 'Finish and Pay'

Step 21

Count out the required amount (£1.52 in this case).

Step 22

Put £1 coin in machine.

Step 23

Put a 50p then a 2p coin into machine.

Step 24

Wait for machine to recognise the 52p just introduced to machine.

Step 25

After 5 minutes, accept that machine is not going to recognise your 52p.

Step 26

Cry some more.

Step 27

Consider paying an extra 52p just to end the horror of it all, and go home.

Step 28

Decide that that's what the machine wants and press the Help button

Step 29

Realise that the queue at the Real Person Check-out is now composed entirely of people that came into the shop after you. And that every one of them is watching you fuck this up as they wait to be served by a Real Person.

Step 30

Explain your plight to the very helpful and understanding Sainsburys man, who looks at you pityingly.

Step 31

Wait for Sainsburys man to get the keys for the machine.

Step 32

Watch as Sainsburys man opens the machine, unlocks the cash box, extracts 52p, locks the cash box, and closes machine.

Step 33

Inform Sainsburys man that you would pay an extra 52p just to make it stop. (He looks uncomfortable and says 'there's no need for that, miss'.)

Step 34

Re-introduce the 52p to the machine, successfully. Thank Sainsburys man for his help. ('Can I help you with anything else Miss?')

Step 35

Muster all the dignity you can, and leave the shop with your head held high, clutching your precious cargo to your chest.

Step 36

Realise that in the time you've been in there, darkness has fallen, the leaves have fallen from the trees and Christmas is just round the corner. Vow to never ever again attempt to use the Self Service Check-out facility in any shop. Ever.

*This was but a momentary blip - I do care about turtles! Don't buy turtle-killing plastic bags!

Labels: ,

« Home | Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »

At 14.12.09, Blogger Random Reflections said...

Why not employ a small child to do your shopping for your instead? They're often good with technology and very cheap labour.

I feel that over the years I have mastered the self check out till. But I only ever use them for a very small number of items, as they are not suited to a large shop (and nor is my temper).

I have managed to overcome the Sainsbury's "are you using your own bag" issue by not declaring this at the beginning and then saying how many I used at the end. It seems to save a lot of hassle. Not that you will care, as you have decided never to be so foolish as to self check out again - of course the other solution to avoid the long queues is shoplifting.    



At 16.12.09, Blogger Loth said...

I have never been brave enough to even try the self-service checkouts. And now I'm not going to.    



At 28.1.10, Anonymous Nic, London said...

I have had the most unpleasant shopping experience of many years this morning. I have been using my local Sainsburys prior to 8am, but recently they’ve not opened regular tills and have three people directing to self-service tills. I can assure you that self-service tills are nigh on impossible if you are partially sighted. I cannot find barcodes fast enough on items before I am informed that the machine has timed out. I had this bloody woman overseeing the machine who kept on telling me that I'd timed out and resetting the machine. In the end I walked out, abandoning my shopping. I feel quite depressed that I’ve been cut out of a process – the purchase of necessities – that was quite manageable. Who sets the timing of transaction on these machines – can it be overridden locally? I regret I was too anger to ask, in situ.    



At 23.6.12, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In ours they've just set 5 of them up in a little semi circle (and got rid of the fresh vegetables) The piercing cry of the automated voice is just at the perfect pitch of cacophonic interference to make me suspect that the americans are extraordinarily rendering al quaeda suspects there during the hours of darkness and the store is just a front ........

I will never set foot in place again. It is without a doubt the worst shopping experience I have ever encountered.

If you have shares in the company sell them.    



At 14.5.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My family members every time say that I am wasting my
time here at net, except I know I am getting experience all the time by reading such good articles
or reviews.

My webpage; skinception    



At 15.5.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or
something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit,
but instead of that, this is wonderful blog. A fantastic read.
I'll certainly be back.

Feel free to surf to my web page; Author's
external home page...
   



At 15.5.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been browsing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any
interesting article like yours. It's pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.

Here is my blog; Author's external home page.
..
   



At 16.5.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow...remind myself never to invite you over for dessert.
..

Here is my web blog :: dating advice for guys over 40    



At 20.5.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great article! That is the kind of information
that should be shared across the net. Shame on
the seek engines for now not positioning this post higher!
Come on over and visit my site . Thank you =)

my web site ... Jeff    



At 29.5.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My brother recommended I might like this website.
He was entirely right. This post actually made my day. You can
not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this info!
Thanks!

my blog click the up coming site    



At 30.5.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Undeniably consider that that you stated. Your favourite reason seemed to be at the web the easiest
thing to remember of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while
people consider issues that they just don't recognize about. You managed to hit the nail upon the highest and defined out the whole thing with no need side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

Feel free to visit my site; natural male enhancement    



At 9.6.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog stand out.

Please let me know where you got your theme. Bless you

Here is my site: dermefface fx7 ()    



At 9.6.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Normally I don't discover article on blogs, but we wish to assert that this write-up very forced me to check out and do so! The authorship taste has been surprised me. Say thanks a ton, really nice article.

Have a look at my weblog - make money using the internet    



At 12.6.13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just couldn't depart your web site before suggesting that I really enjoyed the usual info a person provide in your visitors? Is gonna be back steadily to check out new posts

My web blog: singing angels healing angels    



» Post a Comment
 
   

*Logan Pearsall Smith



© 2006 NotJustAHatStand | Blogger Templates by Gecko & Fly.
Free Hit Counters
Website Counter No part of the content or the blog may be reproduced without prior written permission.
Learn how to Make Money Online at GeckoandFly