Stupid Vain Girl
I had my first appointment yesterday to get my front two teeth crowned. My dentist had warned me what to expect - that it would be a long appointment (an hour and a half, yuck), that he'd have to file my own teeth down to stumps, then take impressions, and then fit temporary crowns while the permanent ones are being made up. And he warned me that the temporary crowns 'aren't that great'. Those were his words.
The actual appointment wasn't too bad. It wasn't exactly my idea of a fun afternoon, but still it wasn't as bad as you might think. There was lots of drilling - they don't actually use a file to reduce your teeth to stumps, as I naively thought, just a nasty old drill. He also had to screw in a steel post to strengthen the tooth that I had the root canal surgery on, using what seemed to be an unbranded Black and Decker electric screwdriver. It wasn't nearly as much fun as the root canal surgery.
Anyway, after an hour and a half I made my way home, with my mouth shut tight the entire time. I had sneaked a quick peek at my compact mirror while I was waiting for the receptionist to set up my next appointment, and wished I hadn't. My gums were all swollen and everything just looked a bit nasty. The temporary crowns looked horrendous. I figured it must be because I was literally just out the chair, and that by the time I got home it wouldn't look so bad.
I got home. I looked in the mirror. And it was just as bad. In fact, it was worse. The crowns looked worse than I remembered. They stick out like a sore thumb. They're plastic, to begin with, so they look completely different from my own teeth. They're also a different colour and shape to all my other teeth.* They just look hideous. I was prepared for them not looking great but I honestly thought they couldn't be any worse than my existing teeth. How wrong I was. I would gladly have my one slightly discoloured tooth and one slightly cracked tooth back right now.
When I looked at myself in the mirror I burst into horrified tears.
The Boy was in the loo when I got home, which I was quite glad about because I didn't want anybody looking at me before I'd got a proper look at the damage. He came in to see how I was, and found, to his bemusement, a sobbing mess. I wouldn't look at him, or even turn around to face him - I just told him to leave me alone. I shut the blinds, climbed straight into bed, burrowed under the covers, and continued crying. It was all very teenagery and silly but all I could think about was that I have to look like this for the next 10 days.
You're probably thinking what a stupid vain girl I am - it's only 10 days for pete's sake, but I'm 100 times more self conscious about them than I was this time yesterday. I was paranoid enough about my teeth anyway, and I kind of thought that they couldn't look any worse - that even temporary crowns would look better than my own teeth, and that it wouldn't matter if they did because it was for a higher purpose and would be worth it. But now, after the various problems and treatment I've had, it's a bitter pill to swallow that I should look like a female Austin Powers for the next 10 days, albeit with slightly better taste in clothes. I know it'll be worth it in the end (it fucking well better be), but at the moment it feels like 3 steps back.
Stupid, vain, and overly sensitive I may be, but I'd hide under my covers for the next 10 days if I could get away with it.
*Thankfully. If my own teeth looked like that I'd have em all yanked out and replaced with a set of wallies.